you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
