Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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