are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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