My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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