i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
