You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
