who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
