at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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