so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Randomize
