these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
