part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
