I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
