Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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