So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize