cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize