im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
