it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
