Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
