GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
