For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
