boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
