...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
