is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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