mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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