im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
