i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
