just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
