3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize