so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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