I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize