I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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