don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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