Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
