Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
