I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
