Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize