Need sex. Gaining weight.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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