I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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