She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
