Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
