hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
