I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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