I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
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