Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
