May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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