The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
