You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I love you. Go after that dick
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
