omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
