Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
