His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
