You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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