he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she pinky promised me she was 18
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
