No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
