This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
