I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
