I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
