Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
