Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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