I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
