You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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