The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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