Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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