I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
