my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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