bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize