I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
