david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
