I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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