We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
