There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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