can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
