just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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