Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
