I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
