i would punch a child for taco bell
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
