I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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