I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
