Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
